Conscious Conversation – The Building Blocks of Conversational Leadership

We thought a lack of information was the cause of our communication problems

– well, it is not that!

Despite a very noisy, omnichannel communication environment, we have a communication crisis. When I poll employees in organisations, their big ask is for more communication. Yet, paradoxically, when you look at the volume of information that is being shared, we have a communication overload.  Communication is often top-down and one-way, focusing on telling, where we talk AT rather than TO each other. When we transform formal communication into Conversational Leadership, our communication takes on a dynamic quality that builds connection and trust.  This article explores the architecture of a conversation and how it can be applied in every leadership conversation.

What is a conversation?

At its simplest, a conversation is an interactive exchange between two people or between two entities as we move deeper into the digital age.   At its best, it is a mutual exchange of ideas, sentiments, information, observations, and opinions. It seeks to create shared meaning in a continuous loop of speaking, listening and feedback. Conversations can be surface or casual interactions that could be described as chit-chat, gossip, more intimate tete-a-tete, more substantial dialogues or consultations. Conversation can include individual, group (team), community, and global dialogue.

The digital world has extended the concept of conversation, where we can have a conversation with a person, an entity or a machine. Conversations can occur along the full reality-virtual spectrum, including face-to-face or technology-mediated conversations, including video, voice and text. We can have these conversations in real time, which allows for a richer interaction and immediate feedback. We can have asynchronous conversations that we come to when we are ready to respond. As we move into the metaverse, we will be having conversations through an avatar which, in a sense, is almost a third-party conversation. AI seeks to mimic our conversations through the use of deep language processing. Whether we use it as a tool to build or destroy is a vital ethical conversation that requires that we raise the level of consciousness in our conversations?

On a deeper level, it is a multi-sensory experience that uses all our senses to absorb and process the message. The emotional content of the conversation is often unspoken and can be supported by symbols, artefacts, and theatrics.   In Elon Musk’s takeover bid for Twitter, he refers to Twitter as the “Town Square”, a place to connect and make sense of the world. Love it or hate it, these platforms guide our global, national, community, and organisational narratives.

 These conversations:

• builds an ongoing narrative that shapes our current and future reality
• builds social capital and influence
• are a catalyst of incremental and change
• have the creative power to speak a new future into existence
• builds or breaks down trust and relationship

Good conversations are an essential skill for a fulfilled life. They help make sense of our world, our relationships and our own inner world.

 The value of conversation in organisational leadership

Imagine if companies invested as much in improving the frequency and substance of good conversation as they did in advancing technologies

Anthropologists and sociologists use conversation to make sense of life and relationships. The core of conversational leadership is to make these conversations real and mine each conversation’s value.

One of my favourite metaphors for a conversation is that of the drone. Think of an Amazon drone delivering your message all neatly packaged. One way of communication would be when the drone drops the parcel on your porch and then goes back to base. Drones, however, are so much more than that. They have the facility to gather intelligence visually, audibly and contextually. Instead of returning to the base empty, you can learn something from each conversation. When you extend this to the digital conversation, the opportunity to gather valuable data and turn it into gold is vast.

What makes a great conversation

Great conversations hardwire us to connect, engage and navigate towards collaboration and partnership. Every conversation has the potential to connect us as people to build trust and rapport. When we interact with others, we can broaden our perspectives and build on the collective wisdom of each contributor. The goal of a conversation is to create shared meaning that leads to action. It shifts our language and perspective to incorporate what is important to you and me. When striving for collaboration, it holds both the “I” and the “We”, which results in more effective collaboration and impact.

What does this do in the organisation

Mastering dialogue sits at the heart of leadership and is often overlooked as a pathway to success. Done well conversations are transformational. They create a deeper understanding of each other’s stories and build shared meaning. Over time they are a discovery process that allows us to see the world differently and to make sense of that. In a world where an agile response is needed, our ability to communicate effectively is a critical leadership skill.

Poorly done results in a breakdown of trust, creates inefficiencies, raises barriers to collaboration results, and is inconsistent and a negative experience for employees and customers.

Trust is the currency of Conversational Leadership.  Conscious business has shifted from short-term shareholder value to a more holistic and sustainable stakeholder value, with loyalty and retention replacing short-term gains as the primary goal. Trust is the currency of leadership that builds stakeholder value and competitive advantage. According to the 2022 Edelman Trust monitor, Failure of Leadership has made distrust the default in society, primarily driven by political and media discourse. To restore this trust, the business has a crucial role in restoring belief in society’s ability to build a better future.

“Trustworthy, consistent and fact-based information is critical to breaking the cycle of distrust.” Edelman Trust Barometer

We have passed the point where scripted PR promises, symbolic Social Media posts or graphics that strive for optics rather than authenticity are no longer enough. Trust builds when we provide trustworthy information congruent with action and delivery – leaders who walk the talk.

“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

George Bernard Shaw

 Conversational leadership happens when we see every communication touch point as an opportunity for conversation with our stakeholders. How do we build trust – one conversation, one relationship at a time.

Loyalty and retention are built on quality relationships. Conversations are the building blocks of relationships. They allow us to listen to the voices of our stakeholders and raise the level of personal responsibility. A key secret to the success of my business has been word of mouth and referral, which results in repeat business and journey work. With personalisation being one of the critical pillars of the exceptional customer and employee experience, conversations allow you to listen to their voice and respond appropriately.  Conversational Leadership separates you from the crowd and elevates above a CV, a proposal or marketing collateral. It allow you to make the other person feel that are the only person that matters in this moment.  In a noisy world, this is a competitive strategy that is hard to duplicate.  With the rise of AI, we can automate some of these conversational responses through deep language processing.  Through clever use of automation your can amplify both consistency and connection.

Conversations with stakeholders allow you to shape your organisational narrative in an Omnichannel environment. We have seen some spectacularly bad examples from the airline industry recently. When British Airways, operated by Comair in South Africa, was suspended earlier in 2022, the organisation responded by shutting down all communication. Airline counters were boarded up, emails went unanswered and social media channels were ignored after an initial announcement. The debacle with Ryan Air’s South African passport Afrikaans questionnaire was a classic example and reminds me of Maya Angelou’s advice. When you know better, do better. On the other hand, an airline that does it brilliantly is Safair.  Not only do you get SMS communication every step of the way. Every flight ends with a recorded message from Kirby Gordon (you see, I remember his name), who invites feedback, good or bad. And then you still get an email afterwards giving you the opportunity for feedback. When I had a luggage problem on the weekend, there was a representative who responded to a Facebook message on the weekend.  This is conversational leadership.

1. CEOs ramp up your visibility and give regular updates – even if not much has changed. People want to know you are working on it.
2. Be seen to be dealing with queries from your customer base. I have noticed that large companies like Absa and Tiger Brands regularly respond to job seekers on LinkedIn with an invitation to apply. (If you really want an A+, let applicants know when they haven’t been successful).
3. Share your purpose and values and demonstrate how you are living these values.

Reframe your communication strategy from one-way to two-way. Provide constructive channels for communication that allow you to respond rather than react.

Conversations are one of the most agile ways to fail forward. We can shape thinking, response, agreement, and commitment when we see every conversation as an experiment. If things don’t go well, we can breathe, reflect and do better next time. Japanese art is a powerful metaphor for turning broken pieces into something beautiful. In conversation, we share our stories, expand our awareness and uncover our blind spots and biases. This awareness is the gold that allows us to return and co-create a new narrative.

Master conversational leaders use the contracting conversation to establish psychological safety where robust dialogue and positive conflict thrive.  Each conversation is a container that allows its participants to explore different perspectives and test thinking out loud.  This is particularly powerful when having a coaching conversation.

Words create worlds. Peter Drucker said – I look out the window and see a future that is not yet here. Otto Scharmer wrote Emerging from the Emerging Future.  We use the vision, strategy, culture and the values that support it speak the future of your organisation into existence. If it works at a macro level, then why not extend it into our everyday conversation. What if we answered this question:

What if every conversation creates a new and better version of your future.

A big part of the work that I do and the success I have achieved centres around the science and magic of Conversational Intelligence.  

So my invitation to you is to take the next few weeks to listen to the conversations you are having with yourself and others. Notice what impact each conversation you have on your relationship with your key stakeholders. Reflect on whether your conversations are opening up the possibility or shutting it down. Standing in front of you are conversational bricks – what you build with them is up to you.

If you would like to ignite a new conversation at your conference, in the boardroom or in your online channels, speak to Bev can upskill your leadership team and help you shape your next strategic, learning or leadership dialogue.  You can reach her on:

UK Mobile:  0744 297 5951

Email:  bev@bevhancock.com

Email:  bev@kamva.net

Web:  www.bevhancock.com

Web:  http://www.h3academy.com

LinkedIn:  www.linkedin.com/bevhancock

A couple of years ago I jumped off a bridge.  I am not an adrenalin junkie. I wanted to understand how to process fear under extreme pressure and the leadership lessons we could learn from that.  (You can read the article and watch the video HERE).  As I faced a number of the realities of setting up in a new country, I have been putting these lessons into practice.

The last two weeks have been a rollercoaster of ups and downs. You know that moment you reach the top of the track and feel that moment of brain-freezing fear that stops your heart in its tracks. I am eternally grateful to my Orpington family, who have made me feel so welcome and provided a safe haven to get established.

The first major shock came when I strode confidently down the high street to visit estate agents to find a place to stay. I had already done some research, so I was ready for the cost of accommodation in the UK, which is the one thing that does not translate well to a 20:1 exchange rate. I found the agent that does the most rentals in Orpington, and they said no problem, as long as I could pay a year’s rental up front! For context, this is about R250K for my South African friends.   I thought that my excellent credit record and financial history from SA would count, especially in this day and age of the internet, where global credit records are easily accessible. But no, you start with a blank canvas and must rebuild your credit record from scratch.

To process this “oh SH#T moment,” I retreated to my new coffee shop to actively practice some mindfulness breathing and to remind myself that every obstacle has a path to the other side.   It reminded me of the lessons learned from my Bungy jump off the Bloukrans bridge. I did a quick gratitude audit to calm down the amygdala hijack that had put my brain into freeze mode. I have been extremely fortunate to have built a strong capital base; as harsh as the news was, I had options. I then reminded myself that the word impossible is not in my vocabulary and that I would have to put my influence and negotiation skills to good use. 

Back in front of my PC, I searched for potential properties and found a fantastic agent willing to work with me. I set up a couple of viewings and found a property that ticks all the right boxes for my son Richard and me to get settled with my hubby to join us later. My requirements were simple:  close to the train to London, the high street for shopping and near enough to family to be part of a community. Orpington is just the perfect area to get started. It is suburban enough not to have to be on trains and subways every day, close enough to London to get there in 30 minutes and close enough to family to have a support base and access to community.

With that in process, I turned my attention to work and have made a substantial start with the help of my friend and colleague Michael Jackson and the contact base I have built over the past few years. I am overwhelmed by the generosity of those I have spoken to who have been willing to open doors and provide valuable advice. My dear friend and colleague, Janice B Gordon, invited me to a meeting at the houses of parliament. (Two days before Boris’s house of cards came tumbling down). It was fascinating to walk into the hallowed halls of government where the House of Commons and the House of Lords meet. (Unfortunately, you are not allowed to take photos inside).

After meeting with one of the Members of Parliament on issues relating to women in business, Janice had booked for us to see my first London Live show, which was fabulous. Richard introduced me to Cole Porter’s “Delovely” as music director at the Savoy in Port Elizabeth. It was beautiful to watch the entire show.

The Adventure Begins

Because it was the first time travelling on a dual passport, I was waiting for some customs official or airline official to tell me I had screwed something up and “sorry, we won’t let you in”. I am happy to report that the process was seamless. One thing I know from all the travel I have done is that the experience starts the moment you close your suitcase. Little things like a shower in the Bidvest Lounge before you leave and choosing the best seat on the plane are vital. On both legs to Dublin, I was in the front row with lots of legroom and space to stretch and, thankfully, sleep.

Cross the Emotional Bridge of Change

Any journey of change means moving away from what you know, and there is a mental and emotional bridge you need to cross. Having a gentle landing to catch my breath and allow the emotion of leaving to dissipate is the perfect start to this adventure. It got me thinking about the value of my support network on life’s journey, especially in a world where change is constant.

Instead of jumping straight into business, I met up with my life-long friend Kerry to spend a few days in rural Ireland simply catching my breath, drinking copious cups of tea and getting valuable advice for the journey ahead. You cannot put a price on a friendship that spans a lifetime. We decided not to do the touristy thing. This week has been about friendship, great conversation, and just allowing the anticipation to build. 

As I cross this bridge, I notice the impact on my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual state. Your inner critic and cognitive dissonance is strong. I am reminding myself to stay in the moment and make each one count, to allow my inner critic to be a motivating force and to break things down into bite-size pieces to make the crossing more manageable.

London Calling

And then, there is my global LinkedIn network which I have been building consciously for the last five years. It has been so good to connect and reach out to my network. So far, I have already set up five meetings. These meetings are about taking online connections to the next level, not hard sales. It is about understanding the business environment I am stepping into and where the low-hanging fruit lies to start activating work in the region.

These support networks have allowed my brain to process change as gain rather than loss, and it has kicked into high gear and is happy to support the new phase of our lives. Today I started with the basics – bank account open and setting up my local mobile and data access tomorrow. I can then get my NHI number sorted, assisted by Sable International, who have walked this journey with me and whose support has been invaluable. The adventure continues.